Loving Our Neighbors—Lessons Learned Through Bedbugs, Pawn Shops & Addiction, Part 1

Note from Danya: I wrote this series about my precious cousin back in 2019/2020. So many prayer requests shared with me are about loved ones battling addiction. I pray telling my family’s story will prayerfully break strongholds in your life and your loved ones’ lives.

It began in October 2019. Actually it began years before that, but I wasn’t made aware of how serious the problem was until that Autumn. It’s been too difficult, too sacred, too embarrassing to write about. Now is the time.

Sometimes the best commandments, guidelines and mantras are preached well and not necessarily lived well. One such Great Commandment is to love the Lord with all our heart, mind, soul and strength AND to love our neighbors as ourselves. I have made mistakes and missteps I’ll admit to you and want to learn from and not repeat.

Who is our neighbor, we ask? It’s everyone. Everyone means from the neighbors across the street who we wave to and don’t know their name to the first cousin who we talk to on the phone but haven’t seen in years…until you receive a phone call that changes everything.

My Mom is one of eight children. We have big family reunions and many aunts, uncles and cousins to cherish and keep track of.  We had a family reunion in August 2019, and several cousins were unable to come. One of those cousins was Mark. He said on the phone he couldn’t make it and had broken his wrist. We made small talk. I told him it was great to catch up.

He lived in Charlotte, near me. His address for the family reunion invitation went to our aunt’s home, so I never thought to ask where he lived or even go see him. Talking on the phone was enough. I had heard he had not worked in years. His wife had passed away ten years earlier. They had no children together. His mom, my aunt Dolores, had passed away in 2017.

On October 11, 2019,  I received a phone call from our aunt that my 67-year-old cousin Mark had been admitted to a hospital near me. When I visited him I hardly recognized him. I’m embarrassed to admit it had been about 10 years since I had seen him. He had aged and his eyes were jaundiced. I leaned down and hugged him. I gently held his face in my hands and kissed him on the cheek.

He told me cirrhosis of the liver was his diagnosis, which his yellow eyes foreshadowed. When I asked him how much he drank, he said, “Only about 9-12 beers a day.” He didn’t think that was too much. He didn’t think he was an alcoholic.

I had heard he was an atheist, so I had strategically brought a “Jesus Calling” devotional for him. I inscribed it with his name and the October date. I asked If I could read some encouragement for him, and he said yes.  We talked about next steps, about me becoming his healthcare Power of Attorney, and I prayed over him. Tears were in his eyes.

I visited him each day until he was released. I found out he had been living in the attic of a rundown house with two roommates who smoked crack. He had no hot water to take showers. I found out through the hospital that Mark had come in with a live bedbug crawling on him and had been admitted to the hospital through DECON–Decontamination!

May this fact sit on you as it did me: my own family member was living in a crackhouse! It is, for lack of a better word, sobering. It is humbling, and I vowed to try to love him as Jesus would. 

As we worked on getting him into rehabilitation and finding housing, Mark later told me he had four items at the local pawn shop he wanted to get out. I had never been in a pawn shop and don’t plan to go back. We had to pay much more for the two guitars, Shop Vac and drills that they gave him initially. It’s an unwise way to get money fast.

One of my friends told me she wanted to put a tracker on my phone since I had been to pick items up from a crackhouse and pawn shop. These were places I didn’t know I’d find myself.

After his release from the hospital, Mark surpassed some huge life milestones:

  • On October 20, 2019, he attended his first church service in 40+ years.
  • On October 25, 2019,  he attended his first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting;
  • On October 27, 2019, he accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior;
  • On October 28, 2019, he walked into an inpatient alcohol rehabilitation program for the first time.
  • On December 11, 2019, he was released from alcohol rehab.

During his time in rehab, he had been back in the hospital twice to remove more fluid from his body due to cirrhosis complications.  His skin was jaundiced. His legs and feet were swollen due to edema from the cirrhosis. The doctor told Mark he needed to remain sober for at least six months before a liver transplant was possible.  Mark truly desired to stay sober.

In December 2019, he graduated from the rehabilitation program!  He came to live with me until I could get him into an Assisted Living Facility through Medicaid in January 2020. This was a photo with Mark, my Aunt Nancy, and precious Mom on Christmas Eve 2019. It was such a blessing to celebrate Christmas with him.

What lessons can we learn from Part 1 of this raw, tender family testimony?

  1. See your loved ones face-to-face and see where they live.
  2. Love unconditionally. Leave judgment up to the Lord.
  3. Encourage 12-step programs for you and your loved ones like Alcoholics Anonymous, Al Anon, CoDependents Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, etc.

Many more lessons were  revealed as we walked this journey.  More to come in Part 2.

Reflections:

 –“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” –1 Timothy 5:8

 –“Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” –Colossians 3:13

–“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” –2 Corinthians 5:17

True Vision–Tribute to Julie Smith Ackiss

Today I learned that my beautiful friend Julie Smith Ackiss went to be with Jesus on August 6, 2024 at 48 years old after heroically battling cancer.

I wrote this message first in 2016. I admired her from a distance  as she walked into church with her guide dog, Fiesta. Julie was so joyful, wearing a big smile. Several excited children ran up to her, wanting to pet her beautiful Labrador Retriever guide dog. Julie let them pet Fiesta. Julie was confident, comfortable, effervescent.

It had been only a few months since I joined the church. They said I could show up on Wednesday nights to sing in the choir. Although not formally trained, I love making a joyful noise and singing those beautiful words of hymns, as well as praise and worship songs. I showed up to choir practice the next Wednesday night and loved every minute.

Choir was life-changing for me. I’ll always remember the first time I saw Julie walk into the choir room with Fiesta and sit beside me on my left. Fiesta sweetly and obediently laid down on her left. And then I saw it.

As we opened our songbook binders, Julie opened hers. A lump formed in my throat. Braille song sheets, printed out on card stock paper and perfectly three-hole-punched, filled her binder.

The musical accompaniment started for our first song. I watched closely as her hand gently started at the top left and followed every word and note. She sang beautifully, joyfully, confidently, not missing a beat.

fullsizerender-23

Tears welled up in my eyes. I immediately thought of the Philippians passage:

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation…I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” –Philippians 4:12a-13.

After we practiced in the choir room and were about to process into the sanctuary choir loft, Julie asked if she could hold my left elbow as we walked. What a gift to me. I looked down and Fiesta patiently walked to the left of her master.

img_3789

As we walked down the hall to the church sanctuary she told me of meeting her husband in college, who is also blind. I watched her face radiate as she described her family.

Both their precious sons are sighted. The two boys had joined us in the choir room, the children’s choir practicing one beautiful song with the adult choir.

I found out Julie is also a top seller of Mary Kay cosmetics. She even walked her sons to Taekwondo in downtown Matthews. Was there nothing this girl can’t do?

Julie, Fiesta, and I made our way up the two steps into the choir loft. We stood together to sing. We sang the hymn with passion, feeling the presence of the Lord in a way I can’t describe.

She had told me she would dismiss herself after the first hymn to go to her Sunday School class. She graciously declined needing my assistance. Julie was a woman on a mission.

Helen Keller once said, “The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.”

Julie had more vision than most sighted people I know. She was content in her circumstances.

She was such an inspiration and true ambassador for Christ.

It was an honor to sing off the same song sheet with Julie.  Thank you, Julie, for bringing more vision and clarity in my life. I pray to be more like Julie, my sweet new friend and sister in Christ. I know the Lord is saying to her in heaven, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Reflect:

Who is the Julie in your life? How can you be more liker her? Please comment.

Would you say you are content in your circumstances like Julie? Why or why not?

Renew:

“One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!” –John 9:25b

“Jesus said, ‘For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind.'”–John 9:39.

Recharge:

High King of heaven, my victory won,
may I reach heaven’s joys, O bright heaven’s sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
still be my vision, O Ruler of all. —Be Thou My Vision (4th verse)

He is Risen, Indeed, and He will Return!

Happy Resurrection Day! Today is my favorite day of the year!  May the early morning miracle of Jesus’ empty tomb shine hope, love, and a deep faith renewal into your soul.

“The angel said to the women, ‘Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; He has risen, just as He said. Come and see the place where He lay. Then go quickly and tell His disciples; He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see Him. Now I have told you.’  So the women hurried away from the tomb, with fear and great joy, and ran to tell His disciples.” –Matthew 28: 5-8  

Isn’t it precious that two women found Jesus’ tomb empty and were empowered to tell the disciples the Good News? Women back then typically had no voice or place in society, yet were such an important part of Jesus’ ministry.

Like the women on Easter morning, Beloved, we may be afraid yet filled with joy to tell others about Jesus and what He means in our lives. Have courage. You have a voice to use it for His glory to tell this Good News and encourage others to strengthen their faith.

And even more,  I am encouraged that Jesus will return. Prophetically, Zechariah 14:4 says Jesus as our Messiah will return on the Mount of Olives.

Zechariah 14:4 ESV–“On that day his feet shall stand on the Mount of Olives that lies before Jerusalem on the east, and the Mount of Olives shall be split in two from east to west by a very wide valley, so that one half of the Mount shall move northward, and the other half southward.”

Photo taken in March 2023 on the Mount of Olives overlooking the Kidron Valley and Jerusalem. 

Even the tectonic plates are aligned for the “split” to happen.  Jesus is ready. The Bible is all Truth.

Also, Prophetically Jesus will enter Jerusalem through the Eastern Gate. Sitting in the Garden of Gethsemane overlooking the Kidron Valley, you can easily see this Gate and the Temple Mount, currently occupied as the Golden Dome of Islam. Ironically, years ago Muslims blocked the Eastern Gate years ago, so no one can walk through. By doing so they were fulfilling Biblical prophecy that only the Savior, the Prince of Peace, will walk through when He returns.

Ezekiel 44:1-3 ESV: Then he brought me back to the outer gate of the sanctuary, which faces east. And it was shut. And the Lord said to me, “This gate shall remain shut; it shall not be opened, and no one shall enter by it, for the Lord, the God of Israel, has entered by it. Therefore it shall remain shut.  Only the prince may sit in it to eat bread before the Lord. He shall enter by way of the vestibule of the gate, and shall go out by the same way.”

Isn’t it exciting to know our Redeemer Lives AND will return again for us. Be encouraged and let’s use our voice to proclaim the Goodness of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Christ is Risen!

I am reminded of the following story about using our voices to tell others about Jesus.

In the mid-1950s, the Rev. W.E. Sangster noticed a strange feeling in his throat and that his leg had begun to drag. He promptly went to visit his doctor. Rev. Sangster was diagnosed with an incurable disease that caused progressive muscle atrophy. His muscles would continue to waste away, including the muscles in his throat, and he would eventually be unable to swallow.

Knowing that his time was growing short, Rev. Sangster decided to use his time in writing for British home mission and in prayer. During this time, he wrote numerous articles and books, and organized prayer groups throughout England. His disease did progress. Eventually he was unable to talk, but he could hold a pen.

On Easter Sunday, just a few weeks before he died, he wrote a letter to his daughter. Barely able to control his pen, he wrote, “It is terrible to wake up on Easter morning and no voice to shout, ‘Christ is risen, indeed!’ But it would be still more terrible to have a voice and not want to shout.”

Amen.

Reflect:

–What does Easter mean to you? Please comment.

–How does today strengthen your faith and how will you use your voice to tell others?

Renew:

–“For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that He was buried, that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that He appeared to Peter and then to the Twelve. After that, He appeared to more than 500 of the brothers at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep.” –1 Corinthians 15: 3-6

–“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” –Galatians 5:22-25

Recharge:

–What will you do this week to spread the Good News? To bear fruit?