It began last October. Actually it began years before that, but I wasn’t made aware of how serious the problem was until last Fall. It’s been too difficult, too sacred, too embarrassing to write about. Now is the time.
Sometimes the best commandments, guidelines and mantras are preached well and not necessarily lived well. One such Great Commandment is to love the Lord with all our heart, mind, soul and strength AND to love our neighbors as ourselves. I have made mistakes and missteps I’ll admit to you and want to learn from and not repeat.
Who is our neighbor, we ask? It’s everyone. Everyone means from the neighbors across the street who we wave to and don’t know their name to the first cousin who we talk to on the phone but haven’t seen in years…until you receive a phone call that changes everything.
My Mom is one of eight children. We have big family reunions and many aunts, uncles and cousins to cherish and keep track of. We had a family reunion last August and several cousins were unable to come. One of those cousins was Mark. He said on the phone he couldn’t make it and had broken his wrist. We made small talk. I told him it was great to catch up.
He lived in Charlotte, near me. His address for the family reunion invitation went to our aunt’s home, so I never thought to ask where he lived or even go see him. Talking on the phone was enough. I had heard he had not worked in years. His wife had passed away ten years earlier. They had no children together. His mom, my aunt Dolores, had passed away in 2017.
On October 11, 2019, I received a phone call from our aunt that my 67-year-old cousin Mark had been admitted to a hospital near me. When I visited him I hardly recognized him. I’m embarrassed to admit it had been about 10 years since I had seen him. He had aged and his eyes were jaundiced. I leaned down and hugged him. I gently held his face in my hands and kissed him on the cheek.
He told me cirrhosis of the liver was his diagnosis, which his yellow eyes foreshadowed. When I asked him how much he drank, he said, “Only about 9-12 beers a day.” He didn’t think that was too much. He didn’t think he was an alcoholic.
I had heard he was an atheist, so I had strategically brought a “Jesus Calling” devotional for him. I inscribed it with his name and the October date. I asked If I could read some encouragement for him, and he said yes. We talked about next steps, about me becoming his healthcare Power of Attorney, and I prayed over him. Tears were in his eyes.
I visited him each day until he was released. I found out he had been living in the attic of a rundown house with two roommates who smoked crack. He had no hot water to take showers. I found out through the hospital that Mark had come in with a live bedbug crawling on him and had been admitted to the hospital through DECON–Decontamination!
May this fact sit on you as it did me: my own family member was living in a crackhouse! It is, for lack of a better word, sobering. It is humbling, and I vowed to try to love him as Jesus would.
As we worked on getting him into rehabilitation and finding housing, Mark later told me he had four items at the local pawn shop he wanted to get out. I had never been in a pawn shop and don’t plan to go back. We had to pay much more for the two guitars, Shop Vac and drills that they gave him initially. It’s an unwise way to get money fast.
One of my friends told me she wanted to put a tracker on my phone since I had been to pick items up from a crackhouse and pawn shop. These were places I didn’t know I’d find myself.
Since his release Mark surpassed some huge life milestones:
- On October 20, 2019, he attended his first church service in 40+ years.
- On October 25, 2019, he attended his first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting;
- On October 27, 2019, he accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior;
- On October 28, 2019, he walked into an inpatient alcohol rehabilitation program for the first time.
- On December 11, 2019, he was released from alcohol rehab.
Since then he had been back in the hospital twice to remove more fluid from his body due to cirrhosis complications. His skin was jaundiced. His legs and feet were swollen due to edema from the cirrhosis. The doctor told Mark he needed to remain sober for at least six months before a liver transplant was possible. Mark truly desired to stay sober.
In December he graduated from the rehabilitation program! He came to live with me until I could get him into an Assisted Living Facility through Medicaid in January.
What lessons can we learn from Part 1 of this raw, tender family testimony?
- See your loved ones face-to-face and see where they live.
- Love unconditionally. Leave judgment up to the Lord.
- Encourage 12-step programs for you and your loved ones like Alcoholics Anonymous, Al Anon, CoDependents Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, etc.
Many more lessons were revealed as we walked this journey. More to come in Part 2.
Reflections:
–“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” –1 Timothy 5:8
–“Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” –Colossians 3:13
–“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” –2 Corinthians 5:17
Danya Jordan